Of Guns and Blondes
by Ersuela
Summary: PG13 for Haruka's dirty mouth and as well as *gasp* Hotaru's! Fluffy humor fic. Haruka doesn't like Seiya for numbers of reason. 1) He flirted with Michiru. 2) He's a sadistic ass and 3) He going out with...Hotaru?


A.N: Now, don't die from shock but I'm ACTUALLY attempting fluffy humor! I know, me, the angst-filled bitch who likes to make Hotaru seem depressed and angry is actually trying HUMOR. This isn't really funny, but oh well. Please review anyway!  
  
Notice -  
Hotaru is around 16 in this and Seiya is about 17. Their ages are off and I know this, but this is my fic and I can do what I please.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.   
  
Of Guns and Blondes  
By Firefly-chan  
  
She just had two more obstacles to go...Haruka and getting out the front door without being noticed. The black haired death senshi rounded the corner of the living room, slender figure pressed against the white, wallpapered wall. Clutching a small dark blue beaded purse in her hand; she collapsed to the ground as quietly as possibly attempting to sneak behind the couch.  
  
Hotaru bit her lip, hissing in pain as she knocked her leg against a coffee table, "Fuck!" She froze; her hand clamped over her mouth, eyes going wide in fear of being heard.  
  
She paused for a moment, looking up the back of the couch, straining to hear anything that might suggest Haruka knew she was there. When all she heard was the blonde snoring quietly, she continued on her way, trying her best to keep low and hoping at the same time that her clothes wouldn't get anything on them. She highly doubted it though, since Michiru was a neat freak and would probably die of shock if she found a speck of dirt anywhere in *her* home. And even though Hotaru's family was a bit on the weird side, they were almost *too* perfect.  
  
So far everything was going pretty well for the dark haired girl, all she had to do was get to the door without waking Haruka. Blowing a piece of hair from her deep, royal purple eyes she glanced up, inspecting how far the door was away from her. Not that far, to her surprise. She was about to proceed her path across the carpet when the doorbell rang, waking Haruka from her sleep with a jolt. Hotaru cursed silently under her breath, watching as the blonde got up from the couch, scratching her head and yawning.  
  
"Hmm...who in hell would be here at-" Haruka looked down to her watch, "--eh...okay, nevermind." She stopped when she saw Hotaru on the ground, blinking. "Hi." Before she turned back to the door.  
  
The death senshi sprang to her feet, pushing Haruka out of the way and scrambling ahead of her. She spun around, flattening her back against the door, arms sprawled out across it. She laughed nervously, tossing her head. "You know, Haruka-papa, I can get the door if you like. You just go and lie down again and I'll take care of everything!"  
  
Narrowed blue eyes perceived Hotaru suspiciously. "No." She started slowly, "I believe I'm perfectly capable of answering the door, Hotaru. Now, if you'll just step out of the way..."  
  
When Haruka attempted to move her out of her way, the girl refused to budge, growing more and more nervous as the time past. "Haruka-papa, I *can* take care of it. You need your...erm...rest."  
  
"I'm not that old yet," The wind senshi growled between clenched teeth, "I'm getting quite tired of this; what--*who* exactly is behind that door, I ask?"  
  
"No one!"  
  
"Liar."  
  
"I'm not lying!" Hotaru cried, insistent, "Would I *lie* to you, Haruka-papa? Lying is a sadistic thing to do and I would never do it!" She smiled sweetly, trying to ward the blonde off.  
  
"Yeah, whatever." The other rolled her eyes, "I'm not quite that gullible, Firefly. Anyway, if you're not going to move then I'm moving you myself."  
  
Hotaru snorted, "Yeah, go ahead and--" The girl cut off with a squeak, struggling in the grip of Haruka as she deliberately picked her up by the shoulders and moved her aside.  
  
The wind senshi took a step closer to the door, glancing at the panicking Hotaru before turning the doorknob to the entrance and calmly opening it. Outside, standing on their doorstep was one of Haruka's worst and possible fears of complete annoyance...Seiya Kou.  
  
"What are you doing here?" The blonde muttered, clearly not happy at the situation she was in.  
  
"Here to pick up-" Hotaru came up from behind Haruka, shaking her head continuously, "Uh...here to pick up..." He frowned, noticing the wind senshi' growing impatience and blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "I'm here to pick up Michiru-san!"  
  
Seiya cringed at his cover, backing away as Haruka started towards him, a dangerous glint in her eye. He held up his hands, "Did I say Michiru? I meant...mangos! I'm here to pick up the mangos."  
  
The blonde stopped, brows knitting together, "How, may I ask, in hell can you confuse Michiru with mangos?"  
  
"They're both...er...round?"  
  
"Excuse me?" Haruka scoffed, both eyebrows arching upwards, "But you did *not* just call my Michiru round."  
  
"Round?" Seiya let out a uneasy giggle, "How incredibly stupid of me! The truth is, Haruka-san, I've been a bit unstable lately. Ever since, ah, ever since the ice cream truck stopped coming around I haven't been able to concentrate like I use to..."  
  
  
"The...ice cream truck?" The blonde looked completely dumbfounded.  
  
Seiya nodded with mock sadness, "Yeah, the ice cream truck." He moved his head back and forth, bowing it down. "It went, er, bankrupt."  
  
"Really, that's just...fascinating." Haruka looked back at Hotaru who was still watching the both of them, her face red with what seemed to be embarrassment, "Now, why don't you cut the shit and tell me that you're here to pick up Hotaru?"  
  
Seiya looked taken aback, clearly at a loss for words. "...What?"  
  
"Go ahead, confirm it."  
  
"Eh.." He paused, "Okay, yeah, that's why I'm here."  
  
Haruka closed her eyes for a moment, nodding slightly, "All right..." Her eyes flashed open, "Now I have an excuse to kill you...MICHIRU! Get my gun!"  
  
Silence and then...  
  
"We have a gun?" Hotaru hissed to the sea senshi who joined her just moments ago, "Since when do we have a gun?"  
  
Michiru stared at the blonde, confused as well. "I don't know.."  
  
The starlight backed away quickly as Haruka advanced on him, "Maybe we can settle this logically and calmly like civilized adults...?"  
  
"First, you hit on my girlfriend," The blonde bellowed, "And if *that* wasn't bad enough, you decide to go for my daughter! Well, it all ends here, Kou!"  
  
"Love," Michiru called from the door, "Killing him would be considered illegal!"  
  
"Just stay out of it, Michi," Haruka's eyes narrowed even further on Seiya, "I have it all under control."  
  
"Maybe you should listen to the woman, Haruka-san!" Seiya advised, nodding his head dramatically, "She makes sense..."  
  
"She always makes sense, dumbass!"  
  
"Oh, yes. Of course, how stupid of me!" He yelped, backing away even more, his back touching the side of his car.  
  
"Even more of the reason on why I should kill you," She loomed over him, ominously, "Always saying things you don't mean."  
  
Seiya closed his eyes, flinching in on coming pain on what he was about to receive from the other. But surprisingly, it never came and when he opened his eyes, he found Hotaru had stopped the blonde, hand resting on her arm.  
  
"Haruka-papa," Hotaru began, seriously and firmly, "Seiya-kun is my date, and he is taking me out to dinner. Whether or not you beat him up, I'm still going to leave...with him. I promise you that I will come back unharmed and untouched. Just let him be."  
  
The wind senshi gazed at her daughter, and after a moment, much to the starlight's relief, lowered her fist. She sighed warily, "Fine." She shot a glare at Seiya, "But be back before ten, if you're any later then that then I will track the both of you down and..." She trailed off warningly, eyes still locked on Seiya.  
  
The boy nodded, gulping, "Yeah, sure, Haruka-san."   
  
Hotaru smiled triumphantly, kissing the blonde on the check before taking a stand beside her date. Seiya opened the passenger side door, letting the death senshi get inside. He was about to transfer over to the drivers' side when Haruka stopped him, grabbing his arm and yanking him towards him.  
  
"You touch her with more then friendly--" She stopped, "Wait...If you touch her *period* I will cut off everything from the waist down with my sword."   
  
He nodded again, eyes wide in fear as the blonde let go of him and he shakily started to the drivers' side. "Oh, and Seiya," He stopped at Haruka's voice, back still facing her, "I'm not lying."  
  
"Eh. O-okay, Haruka-san." He stumbled inside, starting the car before driving off rather slowly, afraid too upset the blonde if he went any faster than 5 miles per hour.  
  
The wind senshi watched quietly as the car faded off into the distance, contemplating on whether or not she should follow them. She looked to her side when she felt a comforting hand on her shoulder. Michiru smiled wearily at her, shaking her head negatively as if she knew what the blonde was thinking. Drawing out a long breath, Haruka turned around, slinging an arm over Michiru's shoulder as they went back inside their home, shutting the door behind them.  
  
  
Owari.  
  
  
End Notes: Heh. Don't know WHERE that came from. Anyway, R/R! I LOVE reviews, people! 


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